July 1, 2026

vmalvey

Another Tale of VENTING…

This week I’ll be introducing you to Julie.  Her story is one that many of you will relate to as it has to do with gaslighting.  It’s a problem faced in work, in life, in relationships.  When she told me her tale, I felt so badly for her as what she went through made her doubt herself, her intelligence, and her competence.  Here’s Julie’s tale of toxic workspace.

All Was Quiet on the Western Front…

As a manager of a large team, Julie handled numerous responsibilities for her company including reporting up to Senior Management the status of various interactions with Federal regulatory bodies, vendor negotiations, and other important third party connections.  She’d been with the company for over 10 years and in her current role for over 5 years.  As such, she was a trusted member of the team with Senior Management trusting her as well as the reliability of the information she provided.

The Restructure from Hell…

Unfortunately, her company decided to restructure the area and brought in another woman from outside the company to oversee the entire area.  Let’s call this woman Ruby for the purposes of our tale.  Senior Management recommended Julie as a guide to Ruby in order to acclimate her to the new role.  Always willing to help out, Julie welcomed Ruby warmly, eager to impart her knowledge in order to eliminate Ruby’s learning curve.  At first everything appeared as if Ruby was truly a team player.  She laughed, joked, and appreciated all of Julie’s efforts.  However, that false front didn’t last long.

The façade begins to fade…

Before too long, Ruby began to assert herself, taking her lead role seriously.  Again, Julie wasn’t nervous as she knew Ruby had been brought in to oversee the entire department.  Her first inkling of trouble came after Ruby assigned a task at one of their weekly team meetings with very vague directions.  When Julie tried to question Ruby about specifics on exactly what Ruby was looking for, Ruby waved off her concerns with a laugh, simply saying that she was certain Julie could figure it out.  Still confused, Julie then turned to her coworkers who also attended the team meeting to see if they had any idea of the deliverable expected, but no one else had a clue as to what Ruby wanted.  As such, Julie forged ahead with what made sense to her with regard to the output given the brief directions provided. 

The Joy of Public Humiliation…

Julie requested a meeting to review the report she’d pulled together, so she could review and explain her thought process to Ruby.  Once again, Ruby was too busy to meeting, but assured Julie she would reach out if she had any questions and/or concerns.  What a crock of crap!  Did Ruby handle it professionally and reach out to Julie with her questions?  Of course not!  Instead, she waited until the next weekly team meeting to ask Julie what the heck she’d turned in because it wasn’t at all what Ruby has asked for, so it appeared Ruby would just have to handle it herself.  Woah! 

Taking it up the Tailpipe…

Now, being from Jersey, I naturally think WHY didn’t Julie tell Ruby to take her nasty self back to the trailer park, but I realize that Julie couldn’t do that and keep her job.  Being a professional, Julie knew that she had no option but to just sit there and, as Jim Carrey so eloquently put it, “take it up the tailpipe”.  Talk about embarrassing!  Luckily all of her co-workers had been in the first team meeting, so Ruby’s plan to make Julie look incompetent completely backfired and just made her look like a raging nasty hag.  After the meeting, Julie received calls from ALL of her coworkers commiserating with her and agreeing that Ruby was crazy.

Just the First Time but Not the Last…

While Julie wished she could have told me that was simply a misunderstanding and it never happened again, she couldn’t.  Those types on incidents continued to happen to her and her coworkers.  She often fielded calls from her coworkers, crying or upset that they had a run-in with Ruby.  Sticking together was the only way to stay sane!  Julie began to question her competency when everything she did and touched was questioned or deemed unfit for purpose.  She’d gone from reporting into Senior Management with stellar results to not being able to do anything right.

Logically she knew, but…

Despite knowing in her brain that she wasn’t the problem, it was hard to get through every day when her boss was picking apart everything she did.  Julie knew there was a common denominator in the equation and she wasn’t it.  Still, it’s brutally difficult to keep your spirits up and your confidence solid when you’re constantly being beaten down.  However, Julie just kept on doing her job, hoping for better days ahead.  Little did she know the form they were going to take!

Shipwreak Ruby arrives in full force…

Laid off!  Yup.  In one year, Julie went from being a Super Star, beloved darling of the Senior Management team, to being laid off … all thanks to the undermining efforts of one woman.  Ruby.  The power that companies give to their executives, disregarding YEARS of previous evidence via performance reports, personal interactions, and third party commendations, astounds me.  Naturally Ruby assured Julie it had NOTHING to do with her performance, but was simply a “cost cutting” measure.  Uh-huh.  For some reason, Ruby was obviously threatened by Julies’ competency and held a targeted campaign against Julie.  Only really weak, insecure women can’t work with strong, competent women.  Obviously Ruby is in the former category.

Brighter Days are Here…

Julie walked away from her role with a piece of her heart left behind for her team.  She worries about them and remains in contact to ensure that they’re doing well under Ruby’s dubious “leadership”.  Luckily, Ruby doesn’t feel challenged by any of them, so she’s been playing nice in the sand box thus far.  I’ll have to stay in touch with Julie to ensure that continues.  As for Julie, she’s landed a new role with another company that appreciates her.  Yay!!!  Once again, she’s feeling strong, competent, and confident.  Well done, Julie!

In your Experience…

Have you ever experienced anything like Julie?  Her boss targeted her, undermining her confidence in her ability to complete tasks.  Has that ever happened to you?  I’m curious to see if anyone else has ever experience something like this.  Please share your story!!  Julie and I would definitely love to hear from you!